Feeling a little guilty

Today was an okay day. My back is hurting like crazy. Every night when I get home it always hurts no matter what I do. I cannot wait until Miss. Ellie gets here. I really don't like being pregnant. Other than that it was a good day. School was rather painless, however for some reason I wanted to leave asap. I don't usually watch the clock so much but today I was ready to go. I don't have any IEP meetings this week (well ones that I am in charge of, I still have to attend some) so that makes it a little less stressful. I am nervous about a test that Mel and I have to take this Saturday. I am sure we will both do great but you know how big test are just nerve racking. We had dinner with John and Jen tonight, that was fun as usually. We had to do the big switch the lawn mower for the carpet cleaner (there I go again sounding old).

The weekend was good. I really enjoyed having a day off. I needed it although I probably did to much and that is why I am hurting and I am so tired today. I am looking forward to spring break. I know all the teachers and kids at school need the long break. I am not however looking forward to Geoff leaving again on April 14th. I seriously miss him and hate for him to be away. He told me a few days ago that his unit wanted him to go to Pathfinder school on July 17th. I feel really bad because I asked him not to go. I know that that school is hard to get and he may never get it again. I have never asked him not to do something Army related before. I mean don't get me wrong I have done my share of complaining about stuff he is doing but I have never flat out said don't do this. I only asked him not to because of Ellie. I am so afraid that I could not handle him being gone for 2 weeks a week after Ellie is born. I know that there will be times when I have to handle it all by myself but atleast that will be a few months into being a mom. I am scared enough of being a good mom that I don't think I can do it alone atleast not that soon. I know he understands and has been good about it but I also know he is disappointed. He wants to be here and there at the same time and that is just not possible. I guess when you have more than just the two of you, you must sacrfice some things you would other wise do. I think this was the right decision even if I feel guilty about it. Ellie and I need him and I not so sure we could do it without him. I hope he isn't too made at me.

Well thats enough for tonight.